I have a big mouth...a really big mouth. And while I believed that this is something I only recently developed this has seemed to be a pattern throughout my life.
I like to tell things the way that I see it. I have been trying lately to work on my approach but it is really hard, I guess old habits are hard to break.
I learned a great lesson in my early 20's about the effects of a toxic friendships. First of all you should never trust anyone who doesn't have at least one long term friendship Second you should realize that if someone has someone who they called their friend prior to knowing you and they can minimize that relationship to make the one that are trying to form with you greater you should proceed with caution.
Friendship is something that I take very seriously. It's one of the most important bonds that a person can form. You do not choose your family but you choose your friends. And the way that you choose to development that relationship is up to you. It's not like when you are told by your parents that you always have to protect your sibling or how the bible says to honor thy mother and father. You decide that you want to have this person in your life and no one really dictates how you should proceed. There are even rules on how to proceed in a romantic relationship but nothing where friendships are concerned.
People always laugh about the way that I see my friendships. There are surely levels as far as I am concerned and I always make them abundantly clear. I have my best friend whom I have known since we were 5 years old and then I have my other best friends whom I have known for as long as I can remember and for the most part she is my family. Then I have my nearest and dearest these are people whom I have know for a varying amount of time but we share a bond that is very tight. For all of these people I will go to the end of the earth and protect them even when they are dead wrong and know that they will do the same for me. I will never pretend that I don't talk about these people because that wouldn't be the truth. But the way I talk about them is something I will always defend. When I am "talking" about my friends it is not in malicious way rather than a way to gain perspective and the talking never goes outside of the circle of trust. Stranger do not penetrate that circle....
Strangers are where the problems come in. And strangers come in all sizes and shapes and they carry many different names. Sometime they are a friend of a friend or a new romantic interest or some family member that is trying to gain entrance into the circle (please note that being a friends family member doesn't make you my friend). Sometimes these strangers are wolves in sheep's clothing and can be very clever in their approach. They can try to gain entrance by like interest or some sort of 6 degree of separation nonsense. And sometimes if you are not careful the can get in......
Once inside they will slowing begin to try to drive a wedge between the existing friendships. Sometimes its done by putting you on a pedestal and making you believe that you are better than your friends or sometimes its the complete opposite...sometimes they have the ability to tap into insecurities and make you believe that you are less. Now don't sit there like this have never happened to you even the strongest are prone these tactics. You begin to believe that these people have you best interest in mind when rather they are deciding exactly how they are going to use you. Usury comes in many forms so you have to be very careful, there are the obvious...financially, sexually, socially, etc. These are actually the easy ones, they are very easy to stop. Then there are the ones that get your mind and that is very hard to get back.
I can go on and on and on......
But to get to the end of the story be careful who you trust...keep your circle tight...long term friends aren't necessarily the best friends and know when to cut your loses.
